Enroll and Be Sorted

in the 2003 AI Olympics

The QuickSort- -ing Hat.

(de la bouche de le Choixpeau (chapeau) magique)

Oh you may not think I'm linear but don't partition on what you see.
I'll swap myself if you can find a quicker hat than me.
There's nothing hidden in your head that the quick-sorting hat can't see.
So try me on and I will tell you where your pivot ought to be.

Full email address:
How many events will you attend? (Be honest!) Very few
About 1/4
About half
About 3/4
All of them!
URL of a picture of you:
Describe a spell you can cast:

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